Emotional Landscapes

Why did I put a quote from a silly TV show here in the most serious and important of pages? For one, it's my favorite show of all time. I think it's a very true and powerful statement, one that I relate to and I'm sure almost all of us can. Perhaps I should credit as Joss Wheaden.. the creator/writer of Buffy.

Here you will find my personal and public rantings, ravings, pmsings, and whatever else I feel the need to express. Yeah so it's more like a diary at times, it's mine, I can do what I want :-P

Anything before 2001 is in the archive.

I have transitioned to LJ as of 2002 as Discord37. If you don't know what LJ is you're probably better off anyway..

Jan 15, 2002
I'm reading the Drudge report in between doing some work at the office and I see this headline "EX-WIFE WANTS $320,000 PER MONTH IN CHILD SUPPORT, INCLUDING $436/MO TO PAY FOR PET BUNNY... " All I can feel for this woman is utter disgust. She should fucking try getting a job. Women who try for huge sums of money in divorce cases just make me want to puke. You leeching fucking whore slut bitches. I hope you all die. I make a much higher salary than the minimum to live off cheaply, I get by and I pay way more for rent than a single woman my age living alone should. And yet I manage. Things are tight sometimes with paying off evil credit cards from my early 20s, but I live. And I certainly do not make $320,000 a month. Having a kid, yeah you need more, in the past at times I've supported myself and leeching unemployed boyfriends making $30,000 a month BEFORE TAXES. And somehow I lived. I got by, no I didn't get money from my rich daddy either, though he'd help me out in a second if I asked because my parents are great like that. I just can't express how steamed I get that any woman (you all know I am not a total cunt and that I'm talking about normal healthy and able women) is such a lazy scumbag she wants to have a free ride the rest of her life and will make someone else poor over it. I hope that cunt gets the minimum. A yahoo! article claims she wants, per month for child support, $144,000 monthly for travel, $14,000 for parties and play dates, $7,000 for charity, $102,000 for food, $1,400 for laundry and cleaning, $1,000 for toys, videos and books and $436 for the care of Kira's pet bunny. Go to hell and fucking die you cunt cunt cunt cunt. Clean your own laundry. Try buying your kid a normal $10 11½" fashion doll instead of whatever the fuck you spend $1000 a month on for toys for a spoiled rotten brat. You are a rotten stupid witch and I hope you are dirt poor and homeless one day so you can see that some kids don't get $1000 worth of toys in 5 years!

Sept 11, 2001
Click here for my rants and pictures

May 3, 2001:
I recently went through my 1000ish comic books that have just been sitting in boxes for the last 4-5 years to pick out some to sell off. I spent a fortune on these things from 1992 till about 97, I still buy a few here and there since then. As I pulled out some of my favorites from back then to see if I really wanted to keep them I was surprised at myself to find that I could not even relate to many of them! Titles like Eightball, Hate!, etc, aka bitter broke lazy slacking youth stories. I no longer am even close to that category, it even annoys me when my younger friends can't spend $1-200 for a great weekend trip. For me the struggle is paying a grand per person for a vacation. Am I yuppified? Na... I still appreciate everything I have, I still recycle, I try to give away and reuse everything. But I have less trouble shelling out $70 for one skirt or top than I used to. I hate the black framed futon sofa I have in my house (it will soon be replaced with a nice luxurious plushy one), the garage sale "they'll do great for now" kitchen table chairs, etc. I am a grown up now, I make a salary that can support me with tons to spare. Heck, I supported ex boyfriends in the past on not much more than half as much. I have reached that place, that stage in life: I can no longer relate to kids! College kids seem like babies to me. Even 2 years ago when I fell all in love with this jerk who broke my heart, that seems so naive and stupid of me now. Falling for anyone like that does, but you can't know that till you've gone through it, we all have to make our own mistakes. Quieter, calmer, no more of that lost feeling, I'm found for today, but we all are always evolving. Now that I can afford it without blinking, I hardly even desire to go see bands I used to love when they make their tours in NYC & Philly, I haven't been in a club for more than a year. Part of me still wants to be involved in the goth scene but I feel that I've been away so long it would take a long time to reacquaint and meet all the new blood, I'd feel to out of it there. In my glory days (ha, only a few years ago) I couldn't walk 5 steps in a club without having to stop and say hi to someone I knew, I was on the inside and knew a good deal of what was going on and who was who. Now I'd be clueless, though I'm sure some of those I call friends, though never saw them out of clubs, are still around. One thing I was never good at was concluding stories and writings so I'm just going to stop cold with that.

I really wish I had more good friends nearby... the mature types who understand what it's like to work for a living and support yourself.. Those I can stand most live farthest, 2 across the ocean now. I live near Passaic if anyone thinks we'd get along well and want to hang out sometime.. toss me an email. I'm not really into clubs anymore though I'm not against it. I'd rather rent movies (or watch one of the few 100 I have), or go to a museum or walk around a historical or haunted site of NJ or NY. I love just hanging out in a quiet park and enjoying the beauty of mother earth, and I love day road trips! I make a good amount of money and I don't want to seem classist, but it just kills it for me now that I can afford to say, eat at a really nice restaurant, and the person I'm with thinks a fast food value meal is too expensive. Don't get me wrong.... I'm all up for trips that require zero budget aside from a bit of gas to get there and maybe a nice pre made picnic lunch, just don't tell me you want to go to places 4 hours away when you are flat broke.

Go me for having my first not lonely and horrible birthday in like 5 years. My boyfriend even got me the Bondage Fairies T shirt :-).

Much luck to Pixie in Israel and may bullets stay far far away from her haven, her, and the man who is great enough for her to move there during a war to be with.