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Rantings and Such 1997
December 30, 1997
I feel so dead, I think, I can't really feel anything usually. I don't
feel passion, lust, love, desire. The things I lived for once. I really
hate when someone acts like they are mad over something stupid, and
are mad because he/she assumed the wrong thing anyway, then he/she don't
say a word until I happen to wake up right as he/she are leaving and
the only thing he/she says is "be back in 5 minutes," knowing he/she's
catching a bus to the city and will not in fact be back in 5 minutes.
The little things are adding up too much... things are getting to strained
between us, I thought it was my fault, that I was being a little extra
bitchy, but I know I'm not now. I'm just not as fucking perfect and
godlike as him I guess. <shrug>
November 21, 1997
Jane's Addiction was inredible... they have far from lost the touch,
the only way the show could have possibly been better were if the original
bassist, Eric Avery, was with them, Flea of course would be the *only*
acceptable substitution for him. The kewlest thing about the show: It
was in a stadium, I was towards the back of the oval, but they had a
small second stage set up on the floor on my side of the oval, and they
did a set there so everyone got to see them sort of close! It was a
small stadium too.. I saw them at Madison Square Garden in 91, the Spectrum
in Philly is a lot smaller, lucky for me :-):
Wildwildwild things happen to me all the time. My roller coaster still
runs like mad, oh the places I've been! Just like it said in that book
they gave to each of us at college graduation! Some of it's just starting
too, how long will I be happy this time? Till the day he fucks me over
I suppose, wouldn't it be nice if that day didn't come?
October 11, 1997
Dommiekins is *very* happy!!! She gets to go see Jane's
Addiction (The greatest band that ever lived) in Philadelphia November
10. ::sigh:: It doesn't get any better then this.
October 5, 1997
I am feeling very icy lately. I bite hard and yet I feel nothing but
numbness. I really don't give a fuck right now. Why should I? It will
all end the same either way.
October 4, 1997
Is it just me or is that new Wierd Al show(saturday on cbs at 11:30)
a lot like Pee
Wee's Playhouse?
September 27, 1997
Nothing good is meant to last, nothing I've run into anyway. Sometimes
the more you know someone the more you find to not like about them.
August 6, 1997
<Sigh> So for no apparent reason depression plagues again. Nothing
significantly terrible has happened, in fact, things have been better
then in the past, I'm over *him* miraculously. Maybe it's depressing
me that things are good? Maybe I have some stupid gothness in me that
I can only be happy when things are bad. I am ever so sleepy.. must
sleep now.
August 2, 1997
Last night I saw Diamanda
Galas perform in Central Park, NYC. The stuff she performed ranged
from opera to classical to blues sounding. She has the most amazing
voice, and an incredible talent for the piano. She doesn't perform often
so if you get the chance, see her.
July 29, 1997
Go check out this ass hole's site and send him mean mail k? - The
Rave Hate Page
July 14, 1997
I saw GWAR and Electric Hellfire Club July 12. GWAR's guitar player
beat up one of the bouncers hehe. So many cheese metal fans there at
the Stone Pony, none of them appreciated the Electric Hellfire club
who were excellent, and I never had so many morons come up and talk
to me and ask me stupid questions in my life!
So it's just me against the world. Alone I started, alone I will finish. Sometimes something brings a spark of hope, then I realize I should know better then to have faith in anything or anyone, after all, they've all let me down haven't they?
I just moved so if I've seemed to ignore
you lately, maybe it's not an accident, maybe you should look at how
you've treated me lately. Anyway.. things are quite hectic but I'm sure
I'll live, I always do.
*Note - I did not write this, Moby did, its from the cover of the cd titled Everything is Wrong.
Essay One
by "everything is wrong" I mean EVERYTHING. i look around
me - i'm typing on a plastick and metal and glass computer perched on
a desk made fr om cut down trees and toxic paint. i sit in a building
made of wood and bricks that were taken from the earth on a street made
of poisonous asphalt that was laid over an ecosystem that had thrived
for hundreds of thousands of years. i'm clothed in cotton that was saturated
with pesticides while it grew and treated and ddyed with toxic chemicals
while it was being processed. all of my possessions were made hundreds
or thousands of miles away and shipped in styrofoam and plastick wrap
via gas burning engines and destructive road and air ways to me. my food,
although organically grown and completly vegan, is shipped from where
it was grown to my local store and is often packaged in paper, plastic,
metal and toxic inks. i know tons of poeple that eat meat, smoke cigarettes,
drive cars, use drugs, etc., even though they know that these things will
ultimately hurt the quality (and length) oftheir lives. i live in an apartment
building where no one is on a first name basis. i know more about idiotic
actors in hollywood that i've never met then i do about the womyn who
lives next door to me (and is probably more interesting). while walking
to work i inhale toxic exhaust from cars sitting in traffic.
to make sure that eating 3 cans of oven cleaner will make you sick, or
to make sure that pouring nail polish remover into your eyes will hurt
you, we torture mice, rabbits, dogs, cats, etc. we use toxic chlorine
bleach to keep our underpants white. we cut down the rainforests to drill
for oil so that we can drive to the video store. do you see what i mean?
everything is really wrong. even the back to nature people still drive
cars and use products made from materials ripped out of the earth. poeple
struggle all their lives doing work that they hate just to be a functioning
member of a system that is wasteful, destructive and unhealthy.
what i advocate is this a sensible, pragmatic, and nondestructive approach
towards existence. we need to reevaluate our practices. just as it doesn't
make sense to hire an elevator operator to run an automatic elevator it
doesn't make sense for billions of poeple to drive to work alone in their
cars. it doesn't make sense to consume animal products. it doesnt make
sense to use pesticides on agricultural products. it doesn't make sense
to derive power from nuclear, coal, and petroleum when we haev solar,
hydro, and wind power. it doesn't make sense to maintain destructive systems
just because people earn their livings from them. it doesn't make sense
to pour billions of tons of toxic chemicals onto our lawns so that they'll
look pretty and green. i could go on but you're probably either bored
or overwhelmed by now. i advocate change: massive, massive change.
basically we should stop doing those things that are destructive to the
environment, other creatures, and ourselves and figure out new ways of
existing. - that's it.
