Rantings 2000

rant archive

Dec 18, 2000
So what is most important in a relationship? My guess is trying to make your partner happy without making yourself miserable. I finally got my boyfriend to stay over the whole weekend, it's been ages since that has happened, some stupid shit always comes up so he shows up Saturday morning to afternoon and rushes out the door Sunday morning when he wakes up. Now his band practices Friday nights, it's supposedly just for a month or so but I've hardly seen him Friday's anyway. Nothing like being in a seriuos relationship and spending most of your weekends alone still. I was really liking him, and I do, but this weekend has really upset me. I can understand wanting to chill out all weekend when you have a shitty ass office job that pays you half as much as you should make while busting your ass (of course... one could always find a new job), but I think I spent the whole time while we were home in my room watching TV while he watched tv in the living room. I honestly think TV is more important to him than I am, the horror of just not watching it for a day. I do watch a lot of tv, usually because I spend a lot of time alone and it's sort of keeping me company when I want it to, but never at my boyfriend's expense. Sunday he said the game was on and I hate sports so figured I'll watch a movie in my room. The game never actually came on and every time I asked if we could just find something we both want to watch he just looked all annoyed and tossed the remote at me, meaning "here princess you pick" and I just went back to my room because I know he doesn't like 90% of what I like to watch. I have been very willing to work out all our differences between us and deal with all the things we like total opposites of, and I don't know now. I spent the day begging him to just spend time with me and not the tv and got nothing, he should just date a TV.

Sept 26, 2000
Boy my rants are infrequent these days. I guess I'm just too busy in real life to bother here, that or things are just too personal and I don't want the world to know every detail of my life. Me and my 2 ferrets, Leanhan Sidhe and Ricky Ticky Tavvy, are doing quite well living all alone together. I have had the same boyfriend for 4 months (a record since I was young) and he has treated me well all that time, even put up with my rarely surfacing mega bitch mode, I think this one's staying around for a while, well, he has no choice. *smirk* Since he is about the first boyfriend ever to have a job, we're going to Amsterdam together in November, I've wanted to go to Europe since I was in high school, as do most of us, the reason's and desired locations and planned activities have evolved over the years of course. We will go see more of Europe in the future, but for our very first trip (both of us) 5 days in one city is a good introduction. His parents are both of Scottish heritage so I'm sure that will be our next trip, that's fine with me, I'd love to see Scotland & Ireland and all the my fey cousins there. I want to see touristy places like the coliseum in Rome, the Pyramids in Egypt, and Stonehedge, not because society tells me I want to, I just need to see and touch such ancient structures, I'm drawn to ancient old things, even here, New England calls.

I used to do it too, when I was younger... "Woe is me, the world is so horrid and wishes to crush me." You know, the dramatic act thing. Not necessarily an act, life just seems that way when we're younger. It seems so huge and terrible and scary and against us, when we're teens and even early 20s we often feel so lost in the world. Now at 27 and one half years old I can say the world doesn't seem that big and scary, well, not scary for it's size anyway. I mean, *I* am still out there.. MWahahahahah.

June 15, 2000
Getting political: I am so disgusted with that whole NY Puerto Rican parade incident. I am really glad, however, they have it on video and those men will be prosecuted. I'm sure they'll get a week.. or a month each. *frown* They should be castrated, as should all violent sex offenders. I'm a big Howard Stern fan, I don't blindly follow his views, but I agree with 90% of them, including how he is going off on Bruce Springstien for that song about getting shot by cops. Bruce would be singing a different song if he was ever saved by a cop, if he ever saw a shred of danger in his life. Not much violence and hardship in southern NJ. Granted, cops do fuck up, I have plenty of male friends who were hassled for no reason at all by cops, and of course there are several cops who supposedly ignored women who were assaulted after the Puerto Rican parade, but I really doubt it's an easy job putting your life on the line daily for stupid people. If you defend yourself, you get sued, if you do nothing you get in trouble, there are some extreme cases of bad cops, but they have to make decisions for every action, and sometimes they honestly make the wrong one and fuck up, fact of life, deal with it.

June 14, 2000
I'm happy for the present time, I have a seemingly great man in my life, and everything else is going pretty good. I realized that I want something that's impossible: Security. Even if you marry someone, that still can't stop you or your partner from falling out of love, you never know if it's going to last forever. I look back at some of my past boyfriends and relationships, most of them seem so immature, and they were such ass holes I'm embarrassed to have ever wanted anything to do with them, even though they all seemed great at first.

May 2, 2000
"Dancing in the deepest oceans Twisting in the water You're just like a dream... I opened up my eyes And found myself alone above a raging sea" - The Cure, Just Like Heaven
I Had this dream a few weeks ago, I met this boy and he was really nice, I didn't know him well at all yet but at first impression he seemed to have a lot of what I like. We spent a night together, watching Buffy videos, everything was so comfortable and we were very into each other, as much as people are at a first encounter. I woke up and realized it never happened.

April 22, 2000
I have this mix tape I started making about 4 years ago, it's the one that I play when I'm sad, full of sad songs, clever eh? Listening to it the other day, I came to a realization, which I probably knew already, just never really thought much on it. Most of my mix tapes/cds are inspired by moods and certain eras of my life, so it's comforting to listen to an old mix tape, or read an old diary, because it makes me think about the time it's from, and now I of course know everything from that time, things I couldn't see then, 50/50 hindsight. Since we rarely know what is truly going on now all around, it's nice to feel like I know something at some times.

Jan 15, 2000
I think for the first time I've met someone who is my species, from my planet and speaks my language. I'm so blown away, I've known him for several years so it's not someone I just met and impulsively think this, it took me 3 years to realize that he was this. I'm not about to rush into anything, but there is the possibility of us ending up together for a long time. The fates hate me though, they keep everyone I care about far away, or at least just out of arms reach. He's in the marines for 2 more years, not terribly happily but he just wasn't sure what to do with his life so why not suffer for 4 years and save up some money and then have college paid for by them.

Jan 1, 2000
I must say I'm very surprised, almost a little let down, all that hype and nothing happened (yet). Happy freaking new year.